Dead People live in Closets
by Random Under the Sun
Summary: Major Denial Fic. Because we all know dead people live in back of closets. Includes Sirius, Tonks, Remus, Colin, Fred, Moody. Hopefully funny. canon pairings
1. Padfoot What are You doing?

Disclaimer: I own nothing except plot

**AN**: Sorry I haven't updated on my other but this was dancing around in my head… so yea! Sorry anyway please review!

Disclaimer: I own nothing except plot

Remus Lupin looked around. "Do you think we should tell Harry we're alive and living in his closet? I mean because we have been living in here for a week."

"No way! We'll tell them in like nineteen years if they haven't figured out yet," Fred exclaimed, "It will be the perfect prank!"

Sirius nodded eagerly, "I mean who knew dead people live in the back of closets?"

Nineteen Years Later

Harry Potter looked into his closet. The Weasley's were having a family gathering for his niece's, Roxanne, birthday and he had no idea what to wear. Sighing he grabbed a blue button down shirt.

"You're not _actually _going to wear _that_, are you?"

Harry started. That was Sirius's voice berating his fashion sense.

"Seriously, don't you agree that the blue in his shirt makes him look a bit pale, Mr. Moony?"

"Why it certainly does, Mr. Padfoot. Sorta peaky as Dora would say."

By this time Harry had gotten over his shock and blasted his clothes apart. Sirius grinned cheekily at his shocked expression. "Well, it _does_ make you look a bit peaky. You look shocked, almost as if you've seen a ghost!" When Harry still looked a little shell shocked, Sirius turned to Remus sighing dramatically. "Moony, it seems I have single handedly given Harry Potter heart failure."

Remus had a small amused smile on his face as he advised, "Sirius, he is going to hex you into oblivion. If I were him, I would think you're a Death Eater."

Sirius thought about it for a minute. Turning into a giant dog, he leapt on Harry and licked his face.

Harry's heart seemed to begin beating again, and he asked softly, "Are you really Sirius?"

Remus and Sirius were taken back with the longing in his voice.

"'Course we are, kiddo! No one can impersonate a Marauder!"

"Wha- but I thou- h h how?" Harry choked out.

"Apparently people who died in the Final Battle for the side against Voldemort can come back to life."

"What about you?" Harry asked Sirius.

"Well I'm _so_ good looking, I came back to life!"

"Than how did Moody come back to life?" Remus questioned laughing.

"Oh. He… err… he came back to life because he was so paranoid."

"_Moody_ is alive?"

"Yea he's living in …."

**AN: **so please review! I will definitely do Tonks, Colin, Fred, Moony, and Snape. Tell me who else you want done. Can be anyone! Evil to! Oh and no flames!


	2. Ron's Surprise Inspection

AN: Thank you for the reviews

**AN**: Thank you for the reviews! Oh who is Walburga? Anyway continuing!

Disclaimer: I own nothing except plot

Recap:

"_Moody_ is alive?"

"Yea he's living in …."

**Surprise Inspection**

Ronald Weasley of Forest Street was tired. He had just spent the past hour arguing with his wife because she thought Rosie should have a bit more freedom. But Ron had decided to keep his resolve. Rosie was not dating until she was twenty-five or maybe thirty… hell, just to be safe, thirty-five. She would be able to date who she wanted at thirty-five… well in his supervision. Hermione had not agreed with his points, and she had banished him to get ready for the Weasley gathering. In time 'Mione would eventually see how reasonable his plan of putting a charm that did not let boys (outside of family) within ten meters of Rose or risk setting of the curse that made them sprout boils in uncomfortable parts of their body. It was when he suggested this idea that she had given him two options: boils in his nether parts or banishment to his room. He had gotten with the latter.

Sighing he reached into his closet to grab some pants when he was blasted backwards. He reached for his wand when he heard a gruff cry of "Expelliarmus!"

Ron quickly raised himself and stood straight to face whatever danger was lurking in his closet.

"Boy, what did I tell you in your fourth year?" the voice continued from within his clothes, "Did you learn nothing?"

Ron simply prepared himself for whatever curse was to come.

"CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" the voice roared.

From within his clothes, stepped out Alastor Moody ready for action. He looked exactly the same except wearing the expression as if he stayed in a smelly place far too long.

"Okay, Harry or George turn back to normal," Ron stammered trying to keep his dignity. "You guys really don't expect me to be ready for auror business as I'm putting my pants on are you?"

"I could have been a Death Eater! You'd be dead by now! You call yourself an auror? CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" Moody shouted. With that he aimed a tickling hex at him.

Ron couldn't breathe. He was laughing so hard; it felt as if all the Weasley's had ganged up on him and started tickling him.

"Boy, I had to come back from the dead to make sure you are always on the watch! Furthermore, you have no business keeping a wand in your pant pockets! You could have lost your buttocks!"

This continued for an hour until Hermione had heard so much screaming that she decided to investigate.

This is why Ron Weasley was dead tired when he and his family arrived at the Weasley Reunion with Mad Eye in tow.

**HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPH**

"No way! Moody is in _Ron's _closet?" Harry asked laughing.

"Yeah." Remus answered laughing as well. They were both picturing Ron being greeted with barks of constant vigilance.

"Well, I for one think George Weasley is going to have a surprise today." Sirius stated seriously while his eyes twinkled with youthful mischievousness.

"Why? OH! No way _he _is living in George's closet?"

"You bet."

**AN:** well what do you think? Ok adding to the list is Hedwig and Dobby. Tell me who's closet Bellatrix and Regulus should be in… but I have an idea that will turn out… anyway please review! But no flames! Oh and also check my profile to when story updates. I promise to have them out by the time on it.


	3. Pranks and Hugs

AN: YAY

**AN: YAY! I got it out! I'm traveling back home tom from out of the country… nine hour travel not including checking in and all that! Anyway here is the new chapter… it's a bit of an emotional ones… prob one of the most… well here it is!**

**Oh yeah I think forgot last time… I own nothing!**

_Ring! Aaaaoogaaa! Ring!_

George glared at his magical alarm clock. It was 4 in the morning, for Merlin's sake! He was certain that he had set it for nine o' clock. He glanced at his sleeping wife. She was still sleeping peacefully.

_Good, _he thought, _she's quite moody with me this week…but it __**is **__her time of the month. _Though he would never admit it aloud, the last time he had mentioned it to her he had not been able to speak without belching out frogs. He had uncharacteristically silent that day. Bill and Charlie had never let him let him live it down. Merlin, the whole Weasley family still talked about it. Of course the following gatherings of the Weasley clan had been embarrassing. Percy had charmed the dessert to look like a giant bloody frog. _Percy Weasley!_ Percy of all people!

Jolted from his spot when a buzzing sound resonated in the room, George Weasley grimaced. Angelina had woken up and was glaring at George. _What had he done to deserve this?_ She was already groping for her wand and looked ready to hex him.

"George, I swear I'll make your nose so big that you won't be able to lift your head!"

"Love, I swear it wasn't me!" George was sweating heavily. He tried his puppy dog face that had always helped him out of the trouble in their earlier years of marriage- then again now he had some creases on his face…

Angelina showed no signs of backing down.

As George began begging for mercy, they both heard sounds from their closet. It sounded as if someone was moving things or shoving them aside. Instincts from the second war took over as they both drew their wands out and moved forward.

Angelina took a hesitant step forward. By doing so she triggered a trap that had obviously been set for the first person he tried to go to the closet. A swarm of Pygmy Puffs with wings began attacking Angie. _Well, not so much attacking… more like tickling her,_ George noted. Yet, it made no difference to Angelina.

She shrieked at George, "Get them off of me! George, if this is your idea of a prank… I swear you will never be able to have children again! I'll make sure th- AAH!"

Just as she was swearing vengeance on George did a figure fall out of the closet. He had red hair and was rolling around on the floor laughing.

The man looked up and said, "It's me Gred! I've come back from the dead to haunt you!"

George froze for a moment and said quietly said, "Stop it whoever you are. It's not funny." It felt like his insides had frozen, and his stomach had dropped to the floor. He felt a pang of deep loss.

"No, George! It's really me …"

"Stop IT! This isn't FUNNY!" George roared.

Fred realized that this was truly hurting him. No matter if they were in heated arguments they had never once hurt each other. Never had a truly hateful word been uttered to each other. Of course not, it would have been like hurting your other half.

"George, it's really me. Remember when we pranked Snape in our first year by adding bat wings to a Slytherin's potion? It exploded in his face when he inspected it. Snape's nose was pink for a month!" The words were genuine, and no traces of guile or trickery were heard. After saying this Fred crossed the room to the shell-shocked George and hugged him. "Now, how are we going to prank Perce at the Weasley reunion, mate?"

"Well, we could always…errrr…. Angie, d'you mind? Fred and I have some major pranks to choreograph. Now as I was saying, we should use Dungbombs and…"

**HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP**

"Wow, so you guys are back plus Moody and Fred? Are most of the Hogwarts defenders back?" Harry asked.

"That's sounds about right," said Remus stretching out on Harry's bed.

"Wait! Is Snape alive too?"

"Oh yeah. Slimy git… I can't believe he chose _his_ closet! The nerve of him taking a closet so close to us. I should-"

Harry cut Sirius off and asked, "So whose closet is he in?"

**AN: hehehe… cliffie. I've been told from my over criticizing beta (my younger brother who can criticize ANYTHING! Really look! Me: I like the Count of Monte Cristo. **_**My brother: After he breaks out of prison it gets too slow… seriously he takes forever doing something.**_** Yet he is an AWESOME beta! And haha he doesn't like fanfic so you don't get him!) I need to answer some questions…**

Brother;s note (BN): if they can get out off closet's at leaisure why do they spend their life in a smelly hole.

**Good question. Because they can. (I mean does this fic really make sense?)**

BN" now we come to the age old problem that the great philosophers of old pondered… WHY ARE THERE EVEN DEAD PEOPLE IN CLOSETS?!

**Hey, what else do you keep in there? I have Einstein and Elvis living in mine. Well, I'm pretty sure… they've been hiding. But I can hear "You ain't nothing but a hound a dog" at night.**

**Anyway thank you to HarryxPotterx4xEver! You reviewed twice!**

**Check my page for updates dates. review. No flames. **

**Ok this is getting ridiculously long… Random and family signing out-**


	4. Old Potion Masters

Al Potter was confused

**AN: I own nothing! Or else no one would have died wahh! Except the bad guys! They can go to-**

Al Potter was confused. Then again he always was when he picked out his clothes. His mum said he got it from Dad. When the Potters pointed out that he was always well dressed, she said "It's because _I _dress your father." Her mother had gone on to list many of his style choices over the years that she had rejected; the most offending of these was a beard.

Al Potter has many talents. He could almost beat his dad when flying and looking for the Golden Snitch. He was excellent in Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts, and he could orchestrate and carry out many pranks with his older brother (Ginny's older brothers had asked her why she had thought to have children when she had Fred and George prankster's blood along with the head Marauder prankster's blood) that would make any trickster cry with joy. Yet he can still _never_ pick out what to wear. In the end he knew he would have to call his older brother, who would later tease him endlessly about it, to help him.

_Might as well ask him with a shirt on,_ he thought as he grabs the nearest shirt, _James is going to die prematurely one day from laughing too much._

"So Potter managed to find a girl that wasn't too appalled by his arrogance to reproduce?"

Al jumped. That comment came from _inside_ the closet. The voice was full of hate and malice yet softness buried deep. With that thought in mind Al parted the clothes carefully. Out stepped a man with a hook nose and oily hair.

"_Snape? _I thought y you were d… d dead. Ok J James or whoever you are," Albus managed to stammer out.

"As you can see I am obviously not. I see being the son of the Chosen One has made you proud and overconfident, boy. Tell me what I would I get if I added powder root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"

"What? I am going to Hogwarts in two weeks! I haven't even gotten my wand yet!" Al protested.

"You didn't think to open your Potion book did you? Impudence leeks out of your pores like your father and your grandfather. We shall do this once again… where would you look to find a bezoar?"

"Doesn't that stop poisons from killing you?" Al said trying to save face. James or one of his cousins (or come to think of it, Uncle George could be pretending to be Snape) was trying to catch him off guard. Al was going make certain they didn't.

"Wrong again. I asked where not what it does. Clearly you hope to pass all your classes by using your family's fame to pass you. Rest assure, Potter, I will not condone this idiocy and smugness from you, the boy who can't even pick what to wear. I hope the rest of the Wizarding World will follow my example and not worship the ground where you step. What your father was thinking when he named you Albus Severus is beyond me."

"I don't know ei- Hey! Why am I arguing with you?"

"Tell me what the difference between wolfsbane and monkshood is?"

"JAMES!"

"What?" James asked poking his head through Al's door. Noticing Snape he did a retake. "What did you do, Al?"

"ME?! I thought it was _you_!"

"Well if it isn't me, and it isn't you…"

Both brothers looked at each other. They both opened their mouths at the same time and shouted, "LILY!"

**HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP**

Remus's answer was interrupted by a loud shout of "JAMES!"

Harry sighed and said, "That would be my boys. They love to prank each other, but sometimes-"

"LILY!"

"their sister gets them," Harry finished calmly. When they heard a shriek from Ginny they all stood up and ran outside into the hallway. Ginny wasn't much of a squealer (not even for mice or rats), and she had just been cleaning the cupboard. Not much there except-

Harry turned to the Marauders. "Is there anyone living under the stairts?"

**AN: well that didn't turn out so good. Oh well. Bring on the reviews! Anyway thank you to ****hiei'shalfbrother who has reviewed twice as well! Just to let you know regulus is going to be in like two chapters! **


	5. Duels and Surprises

AN: I AM SO SORRY

**AN: ****I AM SO SORRY! I OWE YOU A THOUSAND APOLGIES! I meant to get this out like a week ago. I am so sincerely sorry! Really. Please forgive me!**

**I owe nothing.**

Harry Potter expected to be in surprising and logic defying situations. Though to be quite frank, he had never pictured himself running in his house with his dead godfather and dead honorary godfather. They had turned out to be hiding in his closet for nineteen years. _You would think I'd see them. Damn. The whole department is going to laugh when the Head of the __**Auror**__ Department did not notice two dead people hiding in his closet for almost twenty years,_ Harry thought ruefully.

Just as they were going down the stairs, they heard a shriek from Al's room. Harry, stopping abruptly, turned to scold his daughter for whatever she had done to her brothers then her brothers for scaring their sister. Sirius being the curious, reckless one (who maintains that he will always be a die hard marauder) had already peered into the room.

"SNAPE! You slimy git! What? Are all of the dungeons or caves busy that you had to come and sulk here, and why are you out during the day? Because I swear I thought bats only came out at night."

"Black. I am merely trying to make sure that this boy doesn't turn out to be an impudent brat like his father. It turned out that he has. Well, if you raised by Potter, I would not expect anything else."

"Why you!"

Both Snape and Sirius reached for their wands. Harry was already pulling his out. He was no longer a boy of fifteen who did not know how to handle the situation. It turned out it was already getting handled.

A bang resonated in the room suddenly both Padfoot and Severus were covered by pink feathers. Then before this could register in anyone's mind their was a flash of light.

Lily was holding a camera and a now empty Weasley product. She looked at the picture then back at two foes staring dumbly at her and said, "Well, I think I take pretty good pictures. This one is going to the Weasley party."

Sirius opened his mouth then closed it. He tried once again, "How?"

Lily smiled mischievously. "You guys are really predictable. Besides I had inside information."

Sirius turned to glare at Remus, "You! I thought you wouldn't betray the Marauder code!"

"I didn't do an- wait! What code am I breaking?"

"Actually, it's my code. Thou shall not prank Sirius!"

"Well, it was not me. She probably is trying to get to you… never mind. Dora!"

A laughing pink haired woman came in the room from across the hallway. "Wotcher Harry. Your daughter is smart. Found me hiding 'bout two months ago. Though I did knock down her hat stand."

Harry was opening his mouth to reply when there was a scream of "HARRY!"

**AN: This chapter is actually kinda bad. Oh well. Please rr and no flames. **


	6. So Do you want Tea?

Ginny Potter sighed

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

Ginny Potter sighed. Albus had probably gotten pranked by James. Some people might question how she knew this. Ginny would have answered "I am a mum." That and the fact that Al had just shouted "JAMES!" at the top of his lungs. She started to march to the stairs leaving her cleaning spree unattended. Her kids called it her "freaky-cleaning-mode-that-thou-shall-not-mess-with-angry-and-frantic-mum", and they tended to take refuge in their rooms.

"LILY!"

Oh well. Their father can deal with it. Deciding that she might as well clean the cupboard under the stairs because she really could not remember the last time, she did so. It was probably rancid with a dead mouse or something. Crouching down she opened the cupboard. A man who looked a lot like Sirius Black stared back at her.

"AAAH!"

Ginny screamed and slammed the door close. She was about to go upstairs screaming that there was a dead man in her closet then she paused. Was she a Gryffindor or what? She should be able to go back and talk to the dead person in the closet. Better yet, she should go make a polite conversation. Or beat the answers out of the man impersonating Sirius. _Merlin, he is stupid. He impersonates a __**dead**__ person then he hides in a cupboard under the stairs. Like dead people live in the back of closets. _Ginny snorted. _Yeah right._

Ginny opened the door again. The man had made no move to hide, and he stared pleasantly back at her.

"Mrs. Potter! Dobby congratulates you!"

Ginny started. Peeking through the crook of his arms was a house elf. _Ok, only three options. One James or George spiked something I ate or drank. Two, this is all a dream. Or three… Harry accidentally brought his work home._ After pinching herself, she determined that it was not a dream. Deciding to be cordial with them, only because it was Harry's work, she said, "Do you want some tea and biscuits?"

"Sirius" looked at her confused. "You just met a dead person and you offer them biscuits?"

"Riiiight… err can you wait a second?" Not waiting for a reply Ginny marched up a few steps. "HARRY! You come down HERE this INSTANT!"

Turning to the amused man she said pleasantly, "Now, chocolate or sugar biscuits?"

**AN: ** Err… not impressed with it. Sorry. Anyway more on Reggie and Dobby next chapter. This is dedicated to **hiei'shalfbrother**! Thank You! The next chapter is a continuation.


	7. Explanations

Disclaimer: -clears throat- I have been recently told that I am NOT J

**Disclaimer: -**_**clears throat- **_**I have been recently told that I am NOT J.K. Rowling no matter how much I wish it. So sadly I own nothing except my own little fantasy world. (But that is probably copyrighted too.)**

Harry reply was cut short by a furious shout. "HARRY! You come down HERE this INSTANT!" Harry visibly flinched. Harry Potter was an arguably brave man. I mean you would have to be to take out one of the evilest wizards of all time. Though one has to wonder, how the hell Voldemort could not beat an eleven year old. So to the rest of the room Harry's flinch was hilarious.

"Well, go down there, Harry!" Padfoot laughed giving him a little shove. "What happened to the brave guy we all knew and loved."

"He's going to the executioner block," Harry mumbled as he began to walk out. On his face he wore the expression of a man who was going to the chair.

When he got to the landing, Harry saw his wife pointing her wand at her visitors. He blinked. Was that really-

"Master Harry! Dobby has been waiting to see you! He's been taking care of the closets. Master James has been hiding some Weasley pranks in the back of his."

"_Dobby?_ You too? But I thought- _Regulas Black?_ Does Sirius know you're here…" Harry trailed of awkwardly.

"Hmph. So you did _not_ know about this?" Ginny remarked from the corner of the room. Harry turned to her already denying anything to do with the massive amount of supposedly "dead" people walking around in the Potter home. He was also going to vehemently deny that he had anything to do with James's bag of pranks.

Ginny began laughing out loud at the sight of Harry's face. It was mixture of guiltiness, innocence, and panic strewed across it.

"Sirius is here, too?" Regulas asks over Ginny's laughter of husband's cowardice.

"Who's asking?" Sirius called from the landing. Looking comically like ten year olds were the Lupins, the Potters, Sirius, and Snape peeking over each other from around the walls. "Did you want an autograph or something?"

"No. I have had enough time to get one if I truly wanted one."

"_Regulas?_"

"_No,_ it's your other dead brother. Yes, it's me!"

"Sirius! You're alive! And… and…" Ginny could not seem to finish her sentence as she glimpsed at the other people who were supposedly stiff. She stared at them for a long minute before she turned to galre at her her husband and said, "Explain. _Now._"

**AN: ok. Now I generally don't share info in the internet but… I am a freshman. Or freshwoman. Why do did call it that? Anyway I made the mistake of taking six honors classes. And I am too proud to drop them. Soo I am not sure when I can update again. So please make my day and review. **


	8. A Dumbly Story

Disclaimer: I am not Rowling therefore I do not own Harry Potter

**Disclaimer: I am not Rowling therefore I do not own Harry Potter.**

Harry sighed with relief. He had been questioned for hours. Apparently his wife had not taken kindly to the fact that Harry knew that there were dead people living in the closets and had not informed her. Who knew that his wife had been put off with the notion of secret keeping involving dead talking people?

Ginny suddenly took in a deep breath, "Does that mean _Dumbledore_ is alive?"

Sirius laughed. "No, the old cook visits time to time. We hardly ever enjoy his visits though. Curiously when you visit outside the 'next place', you can come back with mood changes and altered personality…"

**HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP**

_Five years before_

Sirius was sitting in the huge thing known as "Fleur Weasley's Closet of Doom". Well, not really, but that didn't stop Sirius from calling it that.

"Moooooony! I'm bored. When is Dumbly showing up?"

Remus stared at him before reply, "Sirius, I have not ask this in a long time. Tell me the truth. Did you or did you not sniff sharpie markers?"

"What! How can you say that? Y'know I wouldn't… Okay, I did… It was an accident! I smelled something good coming from James's shoe… so I sniffed it," Sirius caved under Remus's piercing glare.

"Wait a second. You go around sniffing people's shoes?" Dora asks. She was eyeing her cousin and wondering when he started going mad.

"I was in my dog form," Padfoot defended himself, "I was bored, and you guys were being all mushy with… _"I love you, Dora, with all my heart" _and you answering, _"You are my life. I will love you forever"_… Oh, and don't forget when you guys are-"

"WE GET THE POINT!"

Sirius was about to go on when a deafening crack interrupted him. A man appeared wearing long robes in deep purple. His beard was white and crisp. There was something off in the man though… his eyes did not hold their usual twinkle. That was the first warning sign that Dumbledore had returned this time to earth with an altered personality.

The next hint wasn't really a hint.

"Hello Dumbledore. How have you've been? You look-"

"World domination will be MINE! No one can stand in the way! First I will terminate all chocolate bars! Then I will make all dogs get neutered! BWAHAHAHA!"

Sirius and Remus gasped with the same expression of horror plastered on their face. Remus because he knew that this Dumbledore was mad, and Sirius because he actually though Dumbledore would do it.

"YOU! You will be my slaves! Slave! I am hungry! Go get me a coconut grown in the Antarctica. Or better yet… the North POLE! That man crushed my Christmas dream of new socks handmade by goblins and flying Horned Snorkaks! He will pay for it with his LIFE!" When Sirius hesitated, Dumbledore shouted, "You fight against my will? I will have you fixed earlier!"

"NOO!" Sirius cried moving his hands over his parts and placed Tonks as a shield in front of him.

By the time Dumbledore altered mood had worn off, Fleur's closet had been completely and utterly destroyed, and Dumbledore had already planned a full scale invasion of Santa's Workshop.

Sirius did not leave his nether region unprotected for a month afterwards.

**HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP**

"So that's why Fleur freaked out. We thought she was delusional." Ginny mused.

Everyone laughed. Harry glanced down at his watch. "I think it's time to go…"

**AN: So what do you think? Does it redeem me from not updating?**

**Anyway this chappie to my good friend Vallis. She's in my H bio with me. Sadly we spent the whole period swapping notes instead of taking notes. Oh well still have a good grade in it.**


	9. Malfoy Madness

**Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, I would be extremely happy and these characters would not have died. Now if anyone loves ****me, they could buy me the rights.**

_**Silence.**_

**No? Fine enjoy your stupid disclaimer: I do not own any characters of Harry Potter. J. does.**

**

* * *

**

Draco Malfoy was not having what you called a good day. In fact he was having one of the worst days ever. It had started off nicely. His wife had woken up and kissed him, he had a magnificent breakfast, and his son had gotten better from his head cold. Now that he thought about it, Draco could pinpoint the moment everything had gone wrong.

It had been after breakfast, and after his wife had taken Scorpius down to Hogsmeade for new robes.

_Robes_, he thought, _the source of all evil._ Draco was slightly off on that statement, but no one could blame him.

He had been reaching for his a fresh robe to change into when he had seen the flash.

Draco blinked. _It was probably just a trick of the mind, _he reassured himself. Once again poking through the racks of robes, he was blinded yet again. This time though he heard a faint click.

"Alright! Whoever is in there better come out now!"

Draco was rather proud of himself. He had given the perpetrator enough warning. He had learned that lesson rather forcefully from Astoria.

* * *

_Draco Malfoy was strolling down in his gardens and admiring all that was his. His house elves were first class, and they kept Willow Estate neat and tidy. After all what good is money if you don't flaunt it?_

_He had heard a rustling in the shrubs next to him._

_Draco was livid! Sure, there had been a scandal that week about his father being poisoned with some Reckless Silliness potion (in truth, the formal name was very long, and only puffed up doctors and Percy Weasley used the full name). The incident had resulted in the eldest Mr. Malfoy running naked as bowtruckle. After that, the once solemn Lucius Malfoy next tried to enter a muggle theme park and defeat the "GIANT WHEEL OF DOOOOOM" (at least that was how he pronounced it as aurors caught up with him and forced him into some clothes). It was not surprise that when Lucius received the antidote he turned a brighter shade of red that even Weasleys were incapable of. _

_Now there was another blasted reporter hiding in his bushes. He had warned the last crowd that if they ever again encroach on his property, he would jinx them to kingdom come._

_Draco kept his word. Without even giving even a hint that he was about to attack Malfoy launched a series of hexes into the hedge plant. He braced himself for a return volley of spells though shock ran through him when he heard the cry of "_DADDY!" _practically disarmed him._

_When Draco had to explain to his wife, why their four year old soon who had a newly found obsession for playing hide and seek, was speaking in gibberish, and his legs would not stop dancing the square dance, he had been lectured and banished to the couch for over four months._

_Not to mention all the parenting courses Astoria forced him to take. Muggle parenting classes. For a year.  
_

_

* * *

_

When no one replied, he murmured "_Homenum revelio._"

The spell sensed that the room was empty except for him.

Cautiously Draco proceeded to undress, so he could change.

_Flash. Click._

"DAMN IT! COME OUT NOW!"

No response. Just: _flash. Click. Flash. Click. _

"OH! IT'S A WAR YOU WANT THEN! I'LL HEX YOU INTO OBLVION"

Draco Malfoy's spent the day combating the mysterious click and flashing that seem to be coming from his robes. Needless to say he lost. He ended up crying on the floor in fetal position.

That's how Astoria found her proud husband. Fetal position in boxers and crying about making the clicking and flashing go away in the silent and still closet.

* * *

As men from St. Mungos arrived on the scene to escort the ailing Malfoy, a young, small blond man summoned a camera and walked away pleased. Colin Creevey had gotten a perfect shot of distraught Draco for his brother. It would be a nice "haven't-seen-you-in-a-long-time-because-I-died-and-now-I'm-back-baring-gifts-and-apologies-so-don't-have-a-heart-attack" present.

_Not a bad day at all,_ Collin mused.

* * *

**AN: I'm so sorry for so long of a wait!!! There is really no excuse for it. I'm sorry that this chapter was not the best or the funniest. It was really just a filler chapter for next much, much funnier ones. The Weasley reunion. Oh what fun am I going to have there……**

**Anyway once again a hundred apologies. **

**Flames are ok. They provide both warmth and entertainment ******

**Review Please cause you know you just want to push that button. Look at it!!! Looook at it!!! Preesss it! Preeessss itttt!!! **


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